They didn't nick the watch. Once.

Dodworth calls itself Honest Dodworth because somebody once left a watch on a lamppost overnight and it was still there in the morning. That's the big story. These days the honest folk have more fly-tipping than most, a High Street with a bookie on it, and cars parked on every junction so you can't see a thing.

30% of homes can't get gigabit broadband, which on the edge of Barnsley takes some doing. Some bright spark keeps setting fire to things at nearly three times the typical town's rate. Nobody's nicking watches, though.

The editor, who kept a firm grip on the watch