Crap Towns / Essex / Danbury
Danbury
2/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 2. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Looking down on Chelmsford. Literally.
Woods and a common, with a hill to look down on Chelmsford from. They're very good at that.
Danbury sits on its hill looking down its nose at Chelmsford. It's clean, safe, nobody fly-tips and the anti-social behaviour barely registers, so there's sod all to slag off. There are 7 pubs, more than twice the typical town's share, and a lovely common to walk them off on.
What it can't do is the internet. Gigabit's on offer to 35.3% of premises, while Chelmsford down the hill has nearly all of it. So Danbury can look down on Chelmsford all it likes. It still has to go down there to send an email. And good luck getting a doctor's appointment.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Danbury's 99 for broadband means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Broadband99/10064.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 12.1% across the Chelmsford council area
- Air pollution51/1007.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills30/10094.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene30/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 29 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions27/1001.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires22/1003.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Rain8/100113 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping5/1003.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Chelmsford council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour0/1003.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 26 | Great Dunmow | 13 |
| 27 | Halstead | 12 |
| 28 | Rayleigh | 11 |
| 29 | Chelmsford | 9 |
| 30 | Hockley and Hawkwell | 7 |
| 31 | Maldon | 6 |
| – | Danbury | 2 |
| 32 | Saffron Walden | 1 |
| 33 | South Woodham Ferrers | 0 |
Danbury by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 32.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 58% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.6 per 10,000 people, 1.8x the typical town's 0.9
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 2 charity shops on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.32pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 2.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 5.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 26.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.7x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,692 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 10% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Chelmsford council
- £2,300 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £92 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- 2 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Danbury against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.