Crap Towns / Fife / Cardenden
Cardenden
56/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 56. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Cardenden? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Cardenden. Stay out of the Ore.
Old pit villages on the River Ore, still arguing over one name, with a sewage problem to share between them.
Cardenden is really three pit villages, Cardenden, Bowhill and Dundonald, and none of them agrees where one stops and the next starts. They do agree on the River Ore, which you'd be daft to go near. The storm overflows round about spill for nearly twelve times as long, per head, as the typical town's. The pits shut. The sewage didn't.
Scotland's last fatal duel was fought here in 1826, and the place has been quiet since, apart from the fires, which run at one and a half times the typical Scottish town's rate. There's no proper park, just play parks everywhere, and the bookies come in at nearly three times the usual number for a place this size. The school weans designed Christmas lights for the street and were told the lamp posts weren't up to it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Cardenden's 98 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Sewage spills98/1003,218 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Rain79/100155 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires76/10034.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson75/1009.2 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband61/1006.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.9% across the Fife council area
- Anti-social behaviour59/1009.0 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions28/1001.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene14/1000.0% told to improve, of the 40 food businesses inspected
- Air pollution3/1004.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Kirkcaldy | 76 |
| 2 | Cowdenbeath | 62 |
| – | Cardenden | 56 |
| 3 | Methil | 53 |
| 4 | Glenrothes | 52 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.5 | Rosyth | 30 |
| 6 | Leven | 28 |
| 7 | Dunfermline | 18 |
| 8 | St Andrews | 5 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Cardenden by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
What's left on the high street
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.29am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 2.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Better: 85% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,353 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 12% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Fife council
- £1,574 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £79 less than the Scottish average
- 32% of Fife council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 11% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 127 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 2 upheld About the same: 34.1 per 100,000 residents, about the same as Scotland's 34.7
- 96.1% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Cardenden against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.