Crap Towns / South Yorkshire / Askern
Askern
67/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 67. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Askern. Spa town, my arse.
The Victorians paid to drink Askern's eggy water. Nobody's paying to come now.
Askern was a spa town once, and people actually paid to drink water that stank of rotten eggs. Then the pit turned up and they all went home. Now there's litter and weeds round the town centre, kids kicking off round the lake, and the police station's shut. They want the railway station back. To leave on, presumably.
It's got about nine times as much park per head as the typical town, and some dickhead keeps setting fire to it. The fire brigade gets called to deliberate fires at nearly thirteen times the typical town's rate. Grass, bins, the lot. Car crime's nearly three times the typical town's as well. The eggy water was the least of it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Askern's 99 for deliberate fires means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Deliberate fires99/10072.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson96/10014.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour81/10022.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions71/1003.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene58/1004.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 24 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution42/1006.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills42/100195 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping31/1008.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Doncaster council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain21/100118 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband10/1002.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 3.6% across the Doncaster council area
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 15 | Royston | 78 |
| 16 | Dunscroft and Hatfield | 76 |
| 17 | Adwick le Street | 73 |
| 18 | Warmsworth | 70 |
| – | Askern | 67 |
| 19 | Maltby | 65 |
| 20 | Swinton | 61 |
| 21 | Scawthorpe and Cusworth | 57 |
| 22 | Darton | 49 |
Askern by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 146 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 1.9x the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 47% lower than the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 2 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.34pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 5.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 65% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,478 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Doncaster council
Have a crap-off
Askern against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.