Crap Towns / Gwent / Ystrad Mynach
Ystrad Mynach
85/100Crap Score
148th crappest of 984 towns, and 9th in Gwent. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Off the telly. Still rough.
Ystrad Mynach's station was in Porridge. The vandals, dodgy kitchens and sewage were not.
Ystrad Mynach calls itself the village, even though it's got a big hospital and the council headquarters. Its railway station turned up in Porridge. The parking round Bedwlwyn Road is a nightmare.
18.2% of the takeaways get 0 to 2 from the hygiene inspectors, over four times the typical town's share, and sewage goes in the water for nine and a half times the typical town's hours. Barclays and Lloyds have shut, and the bookies are doing fine. Parc Penallta's nice, mind, on a day it isn't raining. It rains on 163 days a year.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Ystrad Mynach's 97 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Sewage spills97/1002,595 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain87/100163 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson86/10010.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene84/1006.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 73 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping67/10014.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Caerphilly council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour63/10017.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires50/100
- Serious road collisions44/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband41/1005.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.3% across the Caerphilly council area
- Air pollution28/1007.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 5 | Abertillery | 95 |
| 6 | Blackwood | 92 |
| 7 | Caerphilly | 88 |
| 8 | Pontypool | 86 |
| 9 | Ystrad Mynach | 85 |
| 10 | Cwmbrân | 75 |
| 11 | Chepstow | 59 |
| 12 | Abergavenny | 57 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.13 | Monmouth | 31 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Ystrad Mynach by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 86.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 13% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of broken street lights on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 2.4x the typical town's 0.7
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 5 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 18.2% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (2 of 11) Worse: 4.6x the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 16.9 per 100,000 people, 5x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 6% higher than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.10pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 20.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 29% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,471 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Caerphilly council
Have a crap-off
Ystrad Mynach against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.