Crap Towns / Gwent / Caerphilly
Caerphilly
88/100Crap Score
Known as Caerphillydelphia.
122nd crappest of 984 towns, and 7th in Gwent. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Mind the dog mess by the castle
Big castle, leaning tower, famous cheese. And dog mess on every pavement.
Caerphilly has a massive castle with a tower that leans more than Pisa's, and a cheese named after it. The town centre is vape shops, barbers and charity shops, with four times the typical town's vape shops per head, and the pavements are covered in dog mess.
There's rain on 165 days a year and the dog mess survives every drop of it. The kitchens are dodgy too: 10.8% of the takeaways get a hygiene rating of 0 to 2. Locals call it Caerfilthy. Fair.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Caerphilly's 89 for criminal damage and arson means it's crapper than 89% of towns.
- Criminal damage and arson89/10011.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain88/100165 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene86/1005.5% rated 0 to 2, of the 201 food businesses with a rating
- Sewage spills77/100756 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour71/10018.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping67/10014.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Caerphilly council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions52/1002.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires50/100
- Broadband43/1005.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.3% across the Caerphilly council area
- Air pollution40/1008.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Risca | 96 |
| 4 | Ebbw Vale | 96 |
| 5 | Abertillery | 95 |
| 6 | Blackwood | 92 |
| 7 | Caerphilly | 88 |
| 8 | Pontypool | 86 |
| 9 | Ystrad Mynach | 85 |
| 10 | Cwmbrân | 75 |
| 11 | Chepstow | 59 |
Caerphilly by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 90.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 19% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 16 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 4.8 per 10,000 people, 41% higher than the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 18 pubs, 15 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 3 bookmakers, 4 vape shops, 8 banks, 4 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 10.8% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (4 of 37) Worse: 2.7x the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 6.0 per 100,000 people, 1.8x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 44% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.41pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 17.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 14% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,539 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Caerphilly council
Have a crap-off
Caerphilly against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.