Crap Towns / Surrey / Woking
Woking
60/100Crap Score
Known as Wonking. Also the Town Called Malice.
393rd crappest of 984 towns, and 10th in Surrey. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
The council went bust.
Woking has a Martian statue and a council that spent so much on property it went bankrupt.
Woking is where the Martians landed in The War of the Worlds, and there's a big tripod statue in town. The real damage was done by the council, which borrowed a fortune for property and went bust. Now facilities are being cut, the shops are empty and the roads are battered and dug up. The Martians should finish the job.
Its most famous restaurant is a Pizza Express, for reasons everyone remembers, and nobody's ever been seen sweating in it. The rest of the kitchens are 2.4 times as likely as the typical town's to be rated 0 to 2. There's 1 Greggs. Aldershot fans don't even have to try.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Woking's 89 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 89% of towns.
- Food hygiene89/1005.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 300 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions84/1003.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution72/1009.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping62/10012.4 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Woking council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Broadband47/1007.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 8.5% across the Woking council area
- Criminal damage and arson38/1006.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires32/100
- Anti-social behaviour32/10012.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills30/10094.9 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain16/100116 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | Chertsey | 72 |
| 7 | Addlestone | 67 |
| 8 | Egham | 67 |
| 9 | Reigate | 67 |
| 10 | Woking | 60 |
| 11 | Walton-on-Thames | 59 |
| 12 | Oxted | 57 |
| 13 | Weybridge | 55 |
| 14 | Tadworth and Epsom Downs | 54 |
Woking by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 68.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 11% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2,695 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 356 per 10,000 people, 104.7x the typical town's 3.4
- 6 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 24 pubs, 36 hairdressers, 8 charity shops, 5 bookmakers, 7 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 8.5% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (4 of 47) Worse: 2.1x the typical town's 4.0%
- 4 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 5.3 per 100,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 19 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.5 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 6 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 14% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.07am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 3.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 24.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,630 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Woking council
Have a crap-off
Woking against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.