Crap Towns / Surrey / Chertsey
Chertsey
72/100Crap Score
279th crappest of 984 towns, and 6th in Surrey. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Chertsey shuts early.
The curfew bell still rings over a tired town centre. The air's filthy too.
Chertsey still rings a curfew bell every night, and the town centre takes the hint. Empty shops, heavy traffic and trains to London that need a change and the patience of a saint. The football club's called the Curfews, which is fair. The Black Cherry Fair's alright, mind.
The air's the real problem, with 1.7 times the typical town's nitrogen dioxide in it, and sewage goes in the water round the town for nearly three times the typical town's hours. Some streets flood as well. There are 8 public toilets, over three times the typical town's per head, so at least something's flowing where it should.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Chertsey's 92 for air pollution means it's crapper than 92% of towns.
- Air pollution92/10014.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions85/1003.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband81/10014.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 14.2% across the Runnymede council area
- Sewage spills78/100808 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson69/1008.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping68/10014.4 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Runnymede council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires40/100
- Anti-social behaviour36/10012.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene23/1001.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 100 food businesses with a rating
- Rain9/100113 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Redhill | 84 |
| 3 | Horley | 80 |
| 4 | Leatherhead | 79 |
| 5 | Byfleet | 78 |
| 6 | Chertsey | 72 |
| 7 | Addlestone | 67 |
| 8 | Egham | 67 |
| 9 | Reigate | 67 |
| 10 | Woking | 60 |
Chertsey by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 98.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 29% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 476 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 327 per 10,000 people, 96.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs, 9 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 1 vape shop on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 8 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 5.5 per 10,000 people, 3.4x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 2x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.06am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 22.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 43% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,674 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 9% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Runnymede council
Have a crap-off
Chertsey against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.