Crap Towns / West Yorkshire / Upton
Upton
54/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 54. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Upton. Going nowhere fast.
Old pit village with a few good pubs, no car park and a bus that might turn up.
Upton's a former pit village in the SESKU lot, which nobody outside the area has heard of. It used to have a greyhound track. Now it's got a few pubs, no proper car park off Waggon Lane and buses that get messed about constantly. If you're not driving and not drinking, there's bugger all else to do.
Somebody's setting fire to things at over four times the typical town's rate, and the overflows nearby dump sewage for two and a half times the typical town's hours. There's 5 pubs and no swimming pool. Nearly every house can get gigabit broadband, so you can watch the greyhounds somewhere else online.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Upton's 90 for deliberate fires means it's crapper than 90% of towns.
- Deliberate fires90/10024.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping75/10016.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Wakefield council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills73/100675 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour69/10012.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson56/1007.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution51/1007.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene32/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 25 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions26/1001.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain15/100115 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband5/1001.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 4.7% across the Wakefield council area
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 28 | Ossett | 62 |
| 29 | Rothwell | 61 |
| 30 | Honley | 56 |
| 31 | Otley | 55 |
| – | Upton | 54 |
| 32 | Ilkley | 48 |
| 33 | Guiseley | 48 |
| 34 | Kippax | 44 |
| 35 | Yeadon | 43 |
Upton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 76.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of litter and bins on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.6 per 10,000 people, 1.8x the typical town's 0.9
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.12pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 19.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 28% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,466 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Wakefield council
- £2,297 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £95 less than the English average
- 19% of Wakefield council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 19% higher than England's 16%
- 5 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Upton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.