The ducks don't even look up now.

Yeadon has the airport on its doorstep and a tarn the locals call the Dam, where the big night out is watching planes take off over the ducks. The station's miles away, the roads into Leeds are slow, and airport passengers park on your street for a fortnight. The bus stops before the late flights land. Fly-tippers have the lanes.

There's been 26 serious pollution incidents round here since 2016, and 23 of them were noise, so it's not just the ducks complaining. It chucks it down on 143 days a year and the sun puts in 1,328 hours, which is why everyone's at the airport. The swimming pool's shut, Halifax has gone, and there's 22 hairdressers. They call it a retirement village. The planes keep everyone awake.

The editor, overtaken by a duck at the Dam