Crap Towns / Lancashire / Tarleton and Hesketh Bank
Tarleton and Hesketh Bank
59/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 59. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Lettuce lorry ahead. Settle in.
Tarleton grows the salad. Then the lorries take it down the only road out.
Tarleton and Hesketh Bank grow vegetables, and lots of them, which means lorries on the only main road through the villages. Hesketh Lane and Station Road are solid, and when the road clears, everyone speeds. They keep building houses with nothing to go with them, and the water pressure's rubbish.
The sewers overflow for nearly six times as long as the typical town's, into the Douglas, and nearly a fifth of premises can't get gigabit broadband. Crime's next to nothing. There's one pub and 8 hairdressers between two villages, so at least everyone looks tidy stuck behind the lettuce lorry.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Tarleton and Hesketh Bank's 91 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Sewage spills91/1001,580 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband88/10019.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 14.4% across the West Lancashire council area
- Rain78/100153 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping76/10017.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, West Lancashire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions71/1003.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene45/1002.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 48 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour30/10012.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution13/1004.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires5/1001.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson0/1002.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 25 | Cleveleys | 64 |
| 26 | Heysham | 63 |
| 27 | Barnoldswick | 63 |
| 28 | Poulton-le-Fylde | 61 |
| – | Tarleton and Hesketh Bank | 59 |
| 29 | Ormskirk | 51 |
| 30 | Thornton | 48 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.31 | Lytham St Anne's | 39 |
| 32 | Euxton | 35 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Tarleton and Hesketh Bank by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 27.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 64% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of broken street lights on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 0.7
- 9 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 8 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public swimming pool open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.42pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 2.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 5x the typical town's 0.5%
- 31.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,480 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
West Lancashire council
Have a crap-off
Tarleton and Hesketh Bank against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.