Crap Towns / Dorset / Swanage
Swanage
4/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 4. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Swanage? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Too busy, then dead. Every year.
Locals moan about tourists all summer, then moan it's dead all winter.
Swanage is annoyingly decent. Sandy bay, steam railway, a pier, hardly any crime. The locals spend summer moaning about the tourists, the campervans on the seafront and the parking, then spend winter moaning that everything's shut and nobody comes. The ferry costs more every year.
There are 1,839 hours of sun a year, there are over seven times the typical town's public bogs per head, and Dorset still wants £2,765 for a Band D home. Smug, sunny and shut till Easter.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Swanage's 97 for broadband means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Broadband97/10031.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 23.3% across the Dorset council area
- Sewage spills46/100233 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain41/100124 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour26/10011.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions21/1001.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires19/1003.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson16/1004.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution12/1004.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene8/1000.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 157 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping8/1004.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Dorset council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 7 | West Moors | 20 |
| 8 | Sherborne | 19 |
| 9 | Wimborne Minster | 19 |
| 10 | Corfe Mullen | 14 |
| 11 | Ferndown | 10 |
| 12 | Blandford Forum | 8 |
| 13 | Gillingham | 8 |
| – | Swanage | 4 |
| 14 | Verwood | 2 |
Swanage by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 41.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 46% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 20 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 22.0 per 10,000 people, 6.5x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2017
- Excellent Swanage Central's bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 11 pubs, 6 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 12) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 11.0 per 100,000 people, 3.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 11 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 12.1 per 10,000 people, 7.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.09am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 42.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.7x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,839 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 20% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Dorset council
Have a crap-off
Swanage against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.