Crap Towns / Norfolk / Swaffham
Swaffham
27/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 27. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Lovely Buttercross. Lorry, lorry, lorry.
Lovely old market town with a Buttercross, and lorries thundering round it all day.
Swaffham is a handsome old market town with a Buttercross and a legend about a pedlar who walked to London and found treasure back home. The telly once dressed it up as Market Shipborough, the most excitement it's had since the pedlar. The rest of the time the lorries have the Market Place.
Swaffham has 7 charity shops and 11 hairdressers. That's nearly six times the typical town's charity shops per head. Everyone's got a fresh trim and a second-hand coat. There's no public pool, and the last bus on a Wednesday has gone by 9.41pm. The pedlar should've kept walking.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Swaffham's 97 for broadband means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Broadband97/10024.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 32.7% across the Breckland council area
- Food hygiene57/1003.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 63 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions56/1002.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson54/1007.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain43/100125 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour37/10013.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution29/1004.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires25/1003.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping17/1005.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Breckland council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 5 | Thetford | 49 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Dereham | 35 |
| 7 | Downham Market | 33 |
| 8 | Bradwell | 33 |
| – | Swaffham | 27 |
| 9 | Wymondham | 18 |
| 10 | North Walsham | 17 |
| 11 | Watton | 10 |
| 12 | Attleborough | 4 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Swaffham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 67.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 11% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 34 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 40.3 per 10,000 people, 11.9x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs, 11 hairdressers, 7 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 25% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 9.41pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 22.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 43% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,521 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Breckland council
- £2,444 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £52 more than the English average
- 8% of Norfolk County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Swaffham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.