Crap Towns / Falkirk / Stenhousemuir
Stenhousemuir
39/100Crap Score
Known as Stenny.
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 39. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Stenny. Big in Norway.
A football club with a fan club in Norway, and a town that's run into Larbert and stopped there.
Stenhousemuir is the football club first and the town second. The Warriors play at Ochilview, and somehow they've got a supporters' club in Norway who fly over to watch it. Nobody in Stenny has ever worked out why. The rest of the town has merged into Larbert and been given an Asda.
Greggs per head comes in at seven times the typical town's, with the bookies at three times. Nearly every house can get gigabit, everyone lives next to a park and the last bus leaves at 10.02pm, so you're not going anywhere anyway. East Stirlingshire used to share the ground. They still haven't made up.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Stenhousemuir's 88 for rain means it's crapper than 88% of towns.
- Rain88/100165 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions71/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires55/10023.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene55/1006.0% told to improve, of the 50 food businesses inspected
- Sewage spills54/100330 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Criminal damage and arson20/1004.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Air pollution15/1006.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour15/1004.7 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband6/1000.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.7% across the Falkirk council area
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Falkirk | 82 |
| 2 | Grangemouth | 76 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.– | Stenhousemuir | 39 |
| 3 | Larbert | 38 |
| 4 | Bo'ness | 23 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Stenhousemuir by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 32.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 41% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 2 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 90% lower than the typical Scottish town's 20.1
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 7 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 10.0% of takeaways inspected told to improve (1 of 10) Worse: 10% higher than the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 38% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.02pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Against the typical town's 0.5%
- 1.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 93% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,345 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 12% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Falkirk council
- £1,715 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £62 more than the Scottish average
- 34% of Falkirk council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 90 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 1 upheld Worse: 56.8 per 100,000 residents, 1.6x Scotland's 34.7
- 90.3% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Stenhousemuir against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.