Crap Towns / Falkirk / Larbert
Larbert
38/100Crap Score
607th crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in Falkirk. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Larbert. Or is it Stenhousemuir?
A commuter town grown so far into Stenhousemuir that nobody knows where one stops and the other starts.
Larbert used to found iron. Now it's where Forth Valley's big hospital is, and the rest is commuter houses grown so far into Stenhousemuir that the postie has to guess. For a town this size there's next to nothing to drink in: 2 pubs. The hospital car park sees more nightlife.
It's grey and wet, and the latest plan is a giant data centre next to the houses and the hospital. The parks are excellent, mind, with play spaces at more than three and a half times the typical town's rate. Something to do while you wait for your appointment.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Larbert's 89 for rain means it's crapper than 89% of towns.
- Rain89/100167 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour53/1008.6 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Serious road collisions52/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Sewage spills47/100249 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Food hygiene47/1004.8% told to improve, of the 62 food businesses inspected
- Criminal damage and arson24/1005.2 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband20/1003.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.7% across the Falkirk council area
- Air pollution20/1007.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires5/1005.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Falkirk | 82 |
| 2 | Grangemouth | 76 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Larbert | 38 |
| 4 | Bo'ness | 23 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Larbert by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 40.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 26% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 86% lower than the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 9 hairdressers, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) About the same: 1.6 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.26am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 5.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 63% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,345 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 12% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Falkirk council
- £1,715 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £62 more than the Scottish average
- 34% of Falkirk council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 90 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 1 upheld Worse: 56.8 per 100,000 residents, 1.6x Scotland's 34.7
- 90.3% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Larbert against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.