Crap Towns / Falkirk / Falkirk
Falkirk
82/100Crap Score
Locals are Bairns.
182nd crappest of 984 towns, and the crappest in Falkirk. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Falkirk? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Don't meddle wi' the Bairns.
The Kelpies and the Falkirk Wheel get the visitors. The town centre gets another vape shop.
Falkirk spent its money on the Kelpies, two massive steel horse heads out by the motorway, and the Falkirk Wheel, a boat lift that goes round. Visitors love them. Then they drive straight past the town. The Wheel can lift a boat into the sky, and the shopping centre can't keep an escalator going or the rain out of the roof. The old town hall's been knocked down and the High Street is hairdressers. 66 of them. Vape shops per head come in at nearly seven times the typical town's, and the bookies are well ahead of it too.
The sewage is something else: storm overflows spill for 2,516 hours per 10,000 people a year, nine times the typical town's. Anti-social behaviour's getting on for double the typical Scottish town's, and the vandals aren't far behind. It's the crappest town in the Falkirk council area, ahead of Grangemouth, and that's saying something.
The town motto says better meddle wi' the deil than the Bairns o' Falkirk. Dunfermline have been meddling for years. Not one of the 39 takeaways inspected was told to improve, mind. The kebab's the safest part of the night out.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Falkirk's 96 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Sewage spills96/1002,516 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour93/10014.8 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson90/10011.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Serious road collisions86/1002.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain86/100162 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Deliberate fires42/10017.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Broadband39/1007.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.7% across the Falkirk council area
- Air pollution18/1007.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene0/1000.3% told to improve, of the 337 food businesses inspected
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Falkirk | 82 |
| 2 | Grangemouth | 76 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Larbert | 38 |
| 4 | Bo'ness | 23 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Falkirk by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 87.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 1.6x the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 2 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 89% lower than the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 23 pubs, 66 hairdressers, 11 charity shops, 8 bookmakers, 7 vape shops, 6 banks, 5 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways inspected told to improve (0 of 39) Better: Against the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 13 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.8 per 10,000 people, 2.4x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.27am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 9.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 37% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,339 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 13% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Falkirk council
- £1,715 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £62 more than the Scottish average
- 34% of Falkirk council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 90 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 1 upheld Worse: 56.8 per 100,000 residents, 1.6x Scotland's 34.7
- 90.3% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Falkirk against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.