Crap Towns / Merseyside / Southport
Southport
34/100Crap Score
People from here are Sandgrounders.
646th crappest of 984 towns, and 15th in Merseyside. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Southport? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Where's the fucking sea?
Long pier, massive beach. The sea's somewhere past both. Nobody's seen it for years.
Southport is a seaside resort where you can't see the sea. The tide goes out so far nobody's sure it comes back, and the beach is turning into grass. The pier's been shut for repairs, so you can't even walk to the end of it and look. Lord Street has lovely Victorian verandas over the shops, though more of them are empty every year.
There are 4 libraries shut for good since 2010, and more than a quarter of premises can't get gigabit broadband. When you do find the sea, both bathing waters were rated Sufficient. There are 97 hairdressers and one Greggs, which tells you who Southport thinks it's for. The Marine Lake has water, at least.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Southport's 93 for broadband means it's crapper than 93% of towns.
- Broadband93/10026.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 11.7% across the Sefton council area
- Rain73/100149 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions69/1003.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping66/10013.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Sefton council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires37/1005.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson30/1005.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour26/1007.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills21/10045.6 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution12/1005.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene3/1001.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 707 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 10 | Haydock | 63 |
| 11 | Litherland | 59 |
| 12 | Bebington | 50 |
| 13 | Crosby | 48 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.14 | Maghull | 36 |
| 15 | Southport | 34 |
| 16 | West Kirby | 29 |
| 17 | Formby | 27 |
| 18 | Heswall | 16 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Southport by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 75.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 47 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 5.0 per 10,000 people, 47% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
- 0 of 2 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 52 pubs, 97 hairdressers, 18 charity shops, 12 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 14 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1.9% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (2 of 104) Better: 53% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 1.1 per 100,000 people, 68% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 4 libraries shut for good since 2010: Ainsdale (2013), Birkdale (2013), Churchtown (2013) and Edda (2024)
- 15 public toilets on the map (October 2026) About the same: 1.6 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 1.6
- 9 public swimming pools open; 2 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 43% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
- 4 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.55pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 52.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 3.4x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,527 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Sefton council
Have a crap-off
Southport against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.