Crap Towns / Surrey / South Merstham
South Merstham
76/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 76. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
It's holes.
The old brickworks turned into a lake. The roads are turning into holes.
South Merstham grew up round the brickworks, and the old pits are a lake now. Railway lines cut the place into bits. The roads are potholes, the roundabout markings have worn away and you can barely see the zebra crossing under the railway bridge.
There's 1 pub. The air's dirtier than the typical town's, three times the typical town's share of its kitchens are rated 0 to 2 by the hygiene inspectors, and the fly-tippers love it. Not much else to say, and that's the problem.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
South Merstham's 92 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 92% of towns.
- Fly-tipping92/10032.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Reigate and Banstead council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution87/10011.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene72/1007.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 27 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband65/1009.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 12.0% across the Reigate and Banstead council area
- Criminal damage and arson55/1007.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour53/10015.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain51/100128 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills49/100258 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Serious road collisions43/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires33/100
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Redhill | 84 |
| 3 | Horley | 80 |
| 4 | Leatherhead | 79 |
| 5 | Byfleet | 78 |
| – | South Merstham | 76 |
| 6 | Chertsey | 72 |
| 7 | Addlestone | 67 |
| 8 | Egham | 67 |
| 9 | Reigate | 67 |
South Merstham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 73.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 460 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 462 per 10,000 people, 135.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2022
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 3 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.0 per 10,000 people, 25% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.29am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 24.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.5x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,626 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Reigate and Banstead council
Have a crap-off
South Merstham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.