Crap Towns / Dorset / Shaftesbury
Shaftesbury
32/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 32. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
It's that hill.
The Hovis hill. Cobbles, views and coachloads of people taking the same photo.
Shaftesbury has Gold Hill, the cobbled street off the Hovis advert, and it has not stopped going on about it since. In summer it's rammed with people taking the same photo. The views are lovely, the town's clean, and you can't park anywhere.
Barclays, HSBC, Lloyds and Santander have all shut their branches, nearly 13 times the typical town's rate of closures. The last bus home is at 6.52pm and Sunday's a write-off, so once you've walked up Gold Hill you're staying up there. Dorset wants £2,765 for a Band D home.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Shaftesbury's 78 for broadband means it's crapper than 78% of towns.
- Broadband78/1008.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 23.3% across the Dorset council area
- Rain64/100137 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour60/10016.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions55/1002.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills49/100260 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson47/1006.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene35/1001.5% rated 0 to 2, of the 69 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution15/1004.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires8/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping8/1004.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Dorset council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Poole | 49 |
| 3 | Bridport | 49 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Weymouth | 37 |
| 5 | Dorchester | 33 |
| – | Shaftesbury | 32 |
| 6 | Christchurch | 22 |
| 7 | West Moors | 20 |
| 8 | Sherborne | 19 |
| 9 | Wimborne Minster | 19 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Shaftesbury by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 51.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 32% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 4 reports of graffiti and fly-posting on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs, 2 hairdressers, 3 charity shops, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 4 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 43.7 per 100,000 people, 12.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.2 per 10,000 people, 38% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 6.52pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 2.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 83% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,460 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Dorset council
Have a crap-off
Shaftesbury against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.