Crap Towns / Dorset / Christchurch
Christchurch
22/100Crap Score
765th crappest of 984 towns, and 6th in Dorset. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Charity shop central.
Christchurch has a lovely harbour, a lot of charity shops and a massive sulk about BCP.
Christchurch has the harbour, Mudeford Quay and smuggling history. It's quiet and tidy and the vandals can't be arsed with it. What it's got instead is traffic jammed through the middle, a high street that's charity shop after charity shop, nothing on after dark and a long sulk about being lumped in with Bournemouth and Poole. Get over it.
The sunshine adds up to 1,851 hours a year and every bathing water nearby came out Excellent, which only gives the pensioners more to sit and look at. Highcliffe, up the road, is where Christchurch's pensioners' parents live.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Christchurch's 77 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 77% of towns.
- Serious road collisions77/1003.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband69/10011.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 11.0% across the Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole council area
- Fly-tipping37/1008.8 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills37/100143 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour35/10012.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires32/1004.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Rain30/100121 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Air pollution25/1006.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson14/1004.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene1/1000.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 278 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Poole | 49 |
| 3 | Bridport | 49 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Weymouth | 37 |
| 5 | Dorchester | 33 |
| 6 | Christchurch | 22 |
| 7 | West Moors | 20 |
| 8 | Sherborne | 19 |
| 9 | Wimborne Minster | 19 |
| 10 | Corfe Mullen | 14 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Christchurch by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 42.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 44% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 10 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 2.0 per 10,000 people, 41% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
- 8 of 8 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 16 pubs, 28 hairdressers, 16 charity shops, 3 bookmakers, 3 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 29) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 2.0 per 100,000 people, 41% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 22 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.5 per 10,000 people, 2.8x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Worse: 0.4 per 10,000 people, 43% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 38.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.5x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,851 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 21% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole council
- £2,436 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £44 more than the English average
- 1% of Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 94% lower than England's 16%
- 20 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Christchurch against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.