Crap Towns / Dorset / Dorchester
Dorchester
33/100Crap Score
662nd crappest of 984 towns, and 5th in Dorset. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Nothing on of a night.
Real Roman ruins, a fake old town next door, and bugger all to do after dark.
Dorchester has proper Roman ruins and then, next door, Poundbury, a new town built to look old where you can't find a street sign. The high street is crap and a night out is a pint and bed.
Halifax, HSBC, Lloyds and NatWest have all shut a branch, so the high street's even crapper than it was. Dorset charges £2,765 for a Band D home, and the sewers spill more than most round here. Weymouth fans have plenty to say about Dorch, and most of it's true.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Dorchester's 82 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 82% of towns.
- Sewage spills82/100944 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband82/10010.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 23.3% across the Dorset council area
- Anti-social behaviour70/10018.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain62/100135 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions50/1002.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson35/1006.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution20/1006.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping8/1004.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Dorset council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires4/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene4/1000.5% rated 0 to 2, of the 204 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Bournemouth | 62 |
| 2 | Poole | 49 |
| 3 | Bridport | 49 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Weymouth | 37 |
| 5 | Dorchester | 33 |
| 6 | Christchurch | 22 |
| 7 | West Moors | 20 |
| 8 | Sherborne | 19 |
| 9 | Wimborne Minster | 19 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Dorchester by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 60.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 4 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.9 per 10,000 people, 44% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 15 pubs, 16 hairdressers, 9 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 3 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 22) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 4 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 18.7 per 100,000 people, 5.5x the typical town's 3.4
- 9 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.2 per 10,000 people, 2.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 2 closed for good since 2010 Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.02am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 13.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 15% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,737 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 13% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Dorset council
Have a crap-off
Dorchester against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.