Crap Towns / Falkirk / Polmont
Polmont
15/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 15. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Polmont. When did you get out?
A quiet commuter village with the misfortune of sharing its name with Scotland's young offenders' jail.
Say you're from Polmont anywhere in Scotland and somebody asks when you got out. The young offenders' institution is really in Reddingmuirhead next door, but it got the name, and Polmont got the jokes. The village itself is commuter houses, the Union Canal and a whiff off the landfill when the wind's wrong.
Otherwise it's very quiet. Hardly anything gets set alight, not one food business was told to improve, and everyone lives within 400 metres of a park. Nights out are in Edinburgh, and the big moan is the last train back.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Polmont's 91 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Sewage spills91/100
- Rain72/100148 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Criminal damage and arson31/1005.7 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Food hygiene20/1000.0% told to improve, of the 26 food businesses inspected
- Air pollution20/1007.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband18/1003.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.7% across the Falkirk council area
- Anti-social behaviour15/1004.8 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Serious road collisions14/1000.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires3/1003.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Falkirk | 82 |
| 2 | Grangemouth | 76 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Larbert | 38 |
| 4 | Bo'ness | 23 |
| – | Polmont | 15 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Polmont by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 34.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 36% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 2.0 per 10,000 people, 64% lower than the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 3 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.0 per 10,000 people, 2.5x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.13am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,344 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 12% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Falkirk council
- £1,715 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £62 more than the Scottish average
- 34% of Falkirk council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 90 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 1 upheld Worse: 56.8 per 100,000 residents, 1.6x Scotland's 34.7
- 90.3% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Polmont against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.