Crap Towns / Staffordshire / Perton
Perton
12/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 12. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
To get there, drive the other way
To get to Wolverhampton you drive away from Wolverhampton. The bus gets the short cut.
Perton is one big estate on an old RAF airfield, wrapped round a ring road called The Parkway that goes round and round. To get into Wolverhampton you drive away from Wolverhampton, because the direct road is for buses. That's the local grievance. That's all of it.
Crime's about half the typical town's, gigabit gets to 99.5% of premises and the lakes have swans. What it hasn't got is anything to do. There are 2 pubs for the whole estate, hardly any play spaces and no swimming pool, and the most exciting thing going is a set of old air-raid shelters in the woods.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Perton's 64 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 64% of towns.
- Food hygiene64/1007.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 13 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping58/10011.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, South Staffordshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain55/100131 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills45/100227 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires44/1005.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution33/1006.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband32/1000.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.4% across the South Staffordshire council area
- Anti-social behaviour3/1006.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson1/1002.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions0/1000.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 11 | Uttoxeter | 16 |
| 12 | Tamworth | 15 |
| 13 | Cheadle | 14 |
| 14 | Stone | 13 |
| – | Perton | 12 |
| 15 | Lichfield | 10 |
| 16 | Burntwood | 6 |
| 17 | Cannock | 4 |
| 18 | Rugeley | 2 |
Perton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 39.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 49% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 2.2 per 10,000 people, 89% lower than the typical town's 20.4
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 1 hairdresser on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.40pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 15.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space About the same: About the same as the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,458 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
South Staffordshire council
- £2,314 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £78 less than the English average
- 10% of Staffordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Perton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.