Fireworks in the precinct again.

Middleton folk are Moonrakers, after the legend that they tried to rake the moon out of a pond, and there's a fountain with crossed rakes to prove it. Everyone else calls them Piddly Middlies. It's run from Rochdale, which Middleton has never forgiven.

Some clown's always letting a rocket off in the town centre, and the bins go up more than six times as often as in the typical town. The kitchens fail their hygiene inspections nearly four times as often as the typical town's. The banks have announced four closures since 2022 and there's one public toilet for the whole town. It pisses down on 169 days a year.

The editor, ducking a rocket outside the bus station