Crap Towns / Greater Manchester / Audenshaw
Audenshaw
93/100Crap Score
68th crappest of 984 towns, and 13th in Greater Manchester. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Audenshaw's air is fucking filthy.
The old village is under the reservoirs. The rest of it is breathing in the M60.
Audenshaw let them drown the old village under the reservoirs, and these days the vandals have a go at the fences round them. Legend says the Nico Ditch got dug in a single night, which is quicker than anything has happened here since.
The M60 runs right past, and you can taste it. Nitrogen dioxide is 1.9 times the typical town's level and the fine particles aren't far behind. Serious crashes come in at one and a half times the typical town's rate. The storm drains chuck out sewage for more than seven times as long as the typical town's, so the river's no better than the air.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Audenshaw's 96 for air pollution means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Air pollution96/10015.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 8.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills94/1002,027 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Serious road collisions85/1003.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain81/100158 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires75/10011.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping70/10015.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Tameside council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene68/1005.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 40 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson64/1008.1 per 1,000 people a year, July 2023 to June 2026
- Anti-social behaviour51/10015.5 per 1,000 people a year, July 2023 to June 2026
- Broadband18/1003.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 4.9% across the Tameside council area
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Bolton | 94 |
| 10 | Rochdale | 94 |
| 11 | Oldham | 94 |
| 12 | Little Hulton | 93 |
| 13 | Audenshaw | 93 |
| 14 | Horwich | 93 |
| 15 | Swinton | 93 |
| 16 | Ashton-under-Lyne | 91 |
| 17 | Middleton | 91 |
Audenshaw by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 92.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (July 2023 to June 2026) Worse: 22% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 5 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 3.7 per 10,000 people, 3.4x the typical town's 1.1
- 4 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.03am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 7.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 51% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,339 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 13% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Tameside council
Have a crap-off
Audenshaw against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.