Crap Towns / Gloucestershire / Lydney
Lydney
54/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 54. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Lydney? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Lydney. Bring walking shoes.
The station's a long walk out of town and there's no taxi waiting when you get there.
Lydney used to ship coal and iron out of its harbour. These days it struggles to ship anyone anywhere. The station is a long walk from town, there are never any taxis, and the narrow shopping streets are jammed with traffic. It's charity shops and Greggs.
Sewage comes out of the overflows for over 13 times as long as in the typical town. There are hardly any buses after 7pm, so with no taxi either, you're walking. Cinderford thinks it's a dump, and vice versa.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Lydney's 98 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Sewage spills98/1003,667 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband92/10020.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 20.5% across the Forest of Dean council area
- Fly-tipping75/10016.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Forest of Dean council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour65/10017.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain59/100133 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions32/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson22/1005.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene19/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 52 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution16/1004.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires10/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Filton | 70 |
| 2 | Gloucester | 66 |
| 3 | Patchway | 57 |
| – | Lydney | 54 |
| 4 | Cheltenham | 54 |
| 5 | Stroud | 44 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Kingswood and Fishponds | 39 |
| 7 | Tewkesbury | 38 |
| 8 | Quedgeley and Hardwicke | 37 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Lydney by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 65.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 14% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 503 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 521 per 10,000 people, 153.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2017
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 11 hairdressers, 3 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 11) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 7 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 7.2 per 10,000 people, 4.5x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 3x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.43am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 6.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 61% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,622 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Forest of Dean council
- £2,443 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £51 more than the English average
- 26% of Gloucestershire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 1.6x England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Lydney against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.