Crap Towns / East Dunbartonshire / Lenzie
Lenzie
7/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 7. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Lenzie. Nothing to see. Deliberately.
Victorian villas, a peat bog, and a train to Queen Street that everyone will mention within a minute of meeting you.
Lenzie is a railway station with some very nice houses round it. The houses were built for Victorian commuters and they're still full of commuters. The shops mapped here come to 3 hairdressers. That's it. No pub, no Greggs, nothing that might draw a crowd.
The new houses at Woodilee keep saying they're in Lenzie, and Lenzie keeps saying they're not. Kirkintilloch's next door and gets the blame for everything else. What gets set alight, when anything does, is the grass round the Moss.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Lenzie's 98 for rain means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Rain98/100181 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene55/1007.1% told to improve, of the 14 food businesses inspected
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Broadband30/1004.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.9% across the East Dunbartonshire council area
- Deliberate fires25/10010.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution21/1007.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour14/1003.8 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson6/1003.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Serious road collisions4/1000.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Kirkintilloch | 27 |
| 2 | Bishopbriggs | 13 |
| – | Lenzie | 7 |
| 3 | Milngavie | 4 |
| 4 | Bearsden | 3 |
Lenzie by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 25.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 53% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 9 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 10.9 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 3 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 25% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.29pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 3.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 78% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,307 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 15% lower than the typical town's 1,532
East Dunbartonshire council
- £1,752 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £99 more than the Scottish average
- 35% of East Dunbartonshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 36%
- 45 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Worse: 41.3 per 100,000 residents, 19% higher than Scotland's 34.7
- 90.9% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Lenzie against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.