Crap Towns / East Dunbartonshire / Milngavie
Milngavie
4/100Crap Score
943rd crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in East Dunbartonshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Start of the West Highland Way. Run.
Walkers start the West Highland Way here and keep going to Fort William. Locals stay put and have a coffee.
Milngavie is where the West Highland Way starts, so every summer weekend a load of people in walking boots take one look at it and head for Fort William. The ones who stay drink coffee. The pedestrian precinct is mostly cafés, and the big local moan is that there's nowhere to go for dinner. That's the level of grievance round here.
It's posh and it's quiet, and the most common crime here is shoplifting. Even the criminals have manners. The worst of it, going by what gets reported to the council, is dog mess. For a town this pleased with itself, 3.7% of premises still can't get superfast broadband. Bearsden and Milngavie each think the other's a bit much.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Milngavie's 98 for rain means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Rain98/100182 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband65/10011.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.9% across the East Dunbartonshire council area
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions25/1001.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires17/1008.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills12/10011.7 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Air pollution12/1006.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene10/1000.0% told to improve, of the 60 food businesses inspected
- Anti-social behaviour3/1002.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson0/1002.0 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Kirkintilloch | 27 |
| 2 | Bishopbriggs | 13 |
| 3 | Milngavie | 4 |
| 4 | Bearsden | 3 |
Milngavie by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 20.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 62% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 46 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 36.0 per 10,000 people, 6.4x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 13 hairdressers, 4 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 7.8 per 100,000 people, 2.3x the typical town's 3.4
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.7 per 10,000 people, 2.9x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.21am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 3.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 7.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,344 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 12% lower than the typical town's 1,532
East Dunbartonshire council
- £1,752 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £99 more than the Scottish average
- 35% of East Dunbartonshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 36%
- 45 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Worse: 41.3 per 100,000 residents, 19% higher than Scotland's 34.7
- 90.9% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Milngavie against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.