Crap Towns / Lancashire / Kirkham
Kirkham
59/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 59. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Market town, shut swimming pool.
Kirkham made sailcloth. Now it's got a banking hub and a shut swimming pool.
Kirkham was a market town that made sailcloth. Now it's vape shops, bookies and charity shops, with more bookies per head than most towns, and the high street is a car park with a road through it. The swimming pool's shut, waiting to be rebuilt.
Anti-social behaviour sits at twice the typical town's rate, which is going some for a place this size. Half the town lives more than 400 metres from the nearest park or playground. Club Day's all right.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Kirkham's 90 for anti-social behaviour means it's crapper than 90% of towns.
- Anti-social behaviour90/10027.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain81/100158 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson74/1009.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions70/1003.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills59/100391 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene50/1002.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 39 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband30/1005.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.6% across the Fylde council area
- Deliberate fires19/1003.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution19/1005.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping12/1005.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Fylde council area, 2022-23 to 2023-24
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 25 | Cleveleys | 64 |
| 26 | Heysham | 63 |
| 27 | Barnoldswick | 63 |
| 28 | Poulton-le-Fylde | 61 |
| – | Kirkham | 59 |
| 29 | Ormskirk | 51 |
| 30 | Thornton | 48 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.31 | Lytham St Anne's | 39 |
| 32 | Euxton | 35 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Kirkham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 65.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 14% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.2 per 10,000 people, 2.4x the typical town's 0.9
- 4 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2019
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 8 hairdressers, 3 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 1 vape shop on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 10) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 banking hub opened here
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.2 per 10,000 people, 38% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.03am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 49.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 3.2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,489 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Fylde council
Have a crap-off
Kirkham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.