Crap Towns / Merseyside / Greasby
Greasby
19/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 19. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
They found some burnt nuts
People lived here before the pyramids. Nobody's got round to building a station since.
Greasby has signs bragging that people lived here before the pyramids. They found some burnt hazelnut shells. That's the claim to fame. Burnt nuts. Since then it's turned into a quiet, safe Wirral village with next to no crime and no railway station.
Not a single bus leaves after seven on a Wednesday, so once you're home, you're home. The overflows dump sewage for six times the typical town's hours. Ten thousand years of people living here, and nobody's sorted the drains.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Greasby's 91 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Sewage spills91/1001,712 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping73/10015.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Wirral council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain73/100149 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene55/1003.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 28 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution19/1005.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions8/1001.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires7/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Broadband3/1001.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 3.6% across the Wirral council area
- Anti-social behaviour2/1003.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson0/1002.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 11 | Litherland | 59 |
| 12 | Bebington | 50 |
| 13 | Crosby | 48 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.14 | Maghull | 36 |
| 15 | Southport | 34 |
| 16 | West Kirby | 29 |
| 17 | Formby | 27 |
| – | Greasby | 19 |
| 18 | Heswall | 16 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Greasby by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 31% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 6.39pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 33.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,551 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Wirral council
- £2,501 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £109 more than the English average
- 11% of Wirral council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 31% lower than England's 16%
- 24 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Greasby against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.