Crap Towns / Gwent / Caldicot
Caldicot
16/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 16. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Sleep here, work in Bristol.
A castle, a country park, and a town centre that's bookies and Greggs.
Caldicot's got a proper castle and a nice park round it. That's the good news. The town centre's knackered, there's empty shops all over and the rest is bookies and Greggs, with nearly three times the typical town's bookies per head.
Every premises can get superfast broadband and not one storm overflow nearby spilled from 2023 to 2025, which makes it hard to stay angry. The teenagers have got nothing to do, and the buses stop at 10pm, so they're doing it locally. The grown-ups are all in Bristol anyway. Unless the Severn crossing's shut, then they're in a queue.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Caldicot's 71 for criminal damage and arson means it's crapper than 71% of towns.
- Criminal damage and arson71/1008.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain65/100137 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour63/10017.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband52/1002.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 21.0% across the Monmouthshire council area
- Deliberate fires50/100
- Air pollution27/1007.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping23/1006.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Monmouthshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene17/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 57 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions11/1001.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | Blackwood | 92 |
| 7 | Caerphilly | 88 |
| 8 | Pontypool | 86 |
| 9 | Ystrad Mynach | 85 |
| 10 | Cwmbrân | 75 |
| 11 | Chepstow | 59 |
| 12 | Abergavenny | 57 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.13 | Monmouth | 31 |
| – | Caldicot | 16 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Caldicot by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 73.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 27 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 27.5 per 10,000 people, 8.1x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 3 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 10.2 per 100,000 people, 3x the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.1 per 10,000 people, 2.6x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Against the typical town's 0.5%
- 2.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 83% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,686 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 10% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Monmouthshire council
Have a crap-off
Caldicot against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.