Crap Towns / Suffolk / Brandon
Brandon
9/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 9. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Brandon. On the way to the coast.
Everyone passes through Brandon on the way to the seaside. Slowly, behind the barriers.
Brandon's main job is holding up traffic to the coast. The level crossing comes down, the queue backs up into Thetford Forest, and the lorries grind along the High Street. It used to make gunflints and sell rabbit fur. Now it's got bookies, three times the typical town's per head.
Otherwise it's annoyingly well behaved, with hardly any aggro and next to no fly-tipping. The pool shut in 2017. After 7pm on a Wednesday, 2 buses leave the whole town, the last at 7pm sharp. In the evening the only thing going anywhere is the queue at the crossing.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Brandon's 89 for broadband means it's crapper than 89% of towns.
- Broadband89/10019.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.4% across the West Suffolk council area
- Serious road collisions50/1002.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson49/1007.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene49/1002.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 43 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires43/1005.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution29/1004.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain18/100117 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills9/1005.4 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour7/1005.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping0/1001.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, West Suffolk council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Sudbury | 30 |
| 3 | Ipswich | 15 |
| 4 | Haverhill | 11 |
| 5 | Newmarket | 9 |
| – | Brandon | 9 |
| 6 | Stowmarket | 7 |
| 7 | Felixstowe | 6 |
| 8 | Woodbridge | 4 |
| 9 | Bury St Edmunds | 3 |
Brandon by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 61.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 19% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 26 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 28.2 per 10,000 people, 8.3x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 8 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 2 bookmakers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 10) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.2 per 10,000 people, 38% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 14.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 10% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,522 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
West Suffolk council
- £2,351 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £41 less than the English average
- 22% of Suffolk County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 38% higher than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Brandon against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.