Crap Towns / County Durham / Billingham
Billingham
52/100Crap Score
473rd crappest of 984 towns, and 13th in County Durham. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Falling apart, with help
The West Precinct is falling apart and the vandals are giving it a hand.
Billingham made fertiliser and named its football team after synthetic ammonia. That's as glamorous as it gets. The old phosphate rock silo is on the Heritage at Risk list. Of course it fucking is. Locals call it Billinglum. They're right.
The West Precinct looks like nobody's spent a penny on it since it went up, there's nothing in it worth going in for, and the vandals are busier than most. Bins and rubbish get set alight at about eighteen times the typical town's rate. On a clear night the glow off the tomato greenhouses gets mistaken for the northern lights. Food's clean, mind.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Billingham's 98 for deliberate fires means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Deliberate fires98/10047.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson94/10013.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour70/10018.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills60/100417 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping57/10010.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Stockton-on-Tees council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution43/1009.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain42/100125 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband32/1004.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 8.0% across the Stockton-on-Tees council area
- Serious road collisions28/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene1/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 178 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | Spennymoor | 74 |
| 7 | Stockton-on-Tees | 73 |
| 8 | Peterlee | 71 |
| 9 | Durham | 70 |
| 10 | Consett | 63 |
| 11 | Seaham | 60 |
| 12 | Newton Aycliffe | 58 |
| 13 | Billingham | 52 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.14 | Egglescliffe | 24 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Billingham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 90.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 18% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 14 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 4.1 per 10,000 people, 21% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 7 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 19 pubs, 6 hairdressers, 3 charity shops, 4 bookmakers, 1 vape shop, 2 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 37) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 2.9 per 100,000 people, 15% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 44% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.55pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 3.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 6.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 31.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,447 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 6% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Stockton-on-Tees council
- £2,590 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £198 more than the English average
- 14% of Stockton-on-Tees council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 13% lower than England's 16%
- 7 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Billingham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.