Uphill all the way to nothing.

Baildon makes you climb a bloody big hill to get anywhere, and you do it in the road because everyone's parked on the pavement. At the top there's a monument called the Potted Meat Stick. Nobody can tell you why, and they've stopped asking. The old stocks are still up at Towngate. Shame they don't use them.

Up on the moor the off-road bikes chew up the Bronze Age carvings, and some knobhead sets fire to the grass at about five times the typical town's rate. Down below, the overflows run for over six times as long as the typical town's. There's rain on 143 days a year and the sun shows its face for 1,326 hours, so the view everyone climbs up for is mostly cloud.

The editor, who needed a sit down at the top