Crap Towns / Dorset / Ashley Heath
Ashley Heath
21/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 21. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Very nice. Shame about the sewage.
Quiet spot in the pines. Nobody nicks anything. The sewage and the broadband are another matter.
Ashley Heath reckons it's got the shortest High Street in Britain. You're out the other end before you've noticed. Nobody nicks anything, nobody smashes anything, and crime runs at well under half the typical town's rate, which everyone here will mention within a minute of meeting you.
The broadband's the catch. 6.8% of premises can't even get superfast, so the smugness loads slowly. The overflows nearby dump sewage for over seven times the typical town's hours. And Dorset charges £2,765 for a Band D home for the privilege of living next to them.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Ashley Heath's 99 for broadband means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Broadband99/10041.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 23.3% across the Dorset council area
- Sewage spills94/1002,041 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Serious road collisions61/1002.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain41/100124 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene41/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 11 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution29/1007.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires11/1002.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping8/1004.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Dorset council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour1/1005.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson1/1002.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Bridport | 49 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Weymouth | 37 |
| 5 | Dorchester | 33 |
| 6 | Christchurch | 22 |
| – | Ashley Heath | 21 |
| 7 | West Moors | 20 |
| 8 | Sherborne | 19 |
| 9 | Wimborne Minster | 19 |
| 10 | Corfe Mullen | 14 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Ashley Heath by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 28.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 63% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 4 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 5.6 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2022
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 1 hairdresser, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.48pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 6.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 13.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 49.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 3.2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,737 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 13% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Dorset council
Have a crap-off
Ashley Heath against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.