Crap Towns / West Midlands / Wolverhampton
Wolverhampton
58/100Crap Score
Locals call it Wolvo. They call themselves Wulfrunians.
412th crappest of 984 towns, and 17th in the West Midlands. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Wolverhampton. The taxis left.
Its taxis are all over the country. Somebody should send one back to the city centre.
Wolverhampton has Molineux, West Park and chips in orange batter with grey peas, and Wulfrunians will defend all of it to the death. The city centre has its shutters down and litter blowing about, and once the football's finished there's nothing on. Its taxi plates turn up all over Britain, which is the furthest anyone travels for Wolverhampton.
Then the kitchens. Food places score 0 to 2 on hygiene at three times the typical town's rate. 10 places in the city are on the Heritage at Risk list, 6 of them whole conservation areas. West Brom is crapper, mind, and a Wulfrunian will tell you that before you've asked.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Wolverhampton's 96 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Food hygiene96/1007.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 1,412 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution82/10011.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson69/1008.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions64/1002.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping61/10011.4 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Wolverhampton council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain58/100132 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires43/1005.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour31/1008.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills18/10036.2 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband2/1002.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 1.8% across the Wolverhampton council area
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 13 | Darlaston | 71 |
| 14 | Smethwick | 70 |
| 15 | Bilston | 68 |
| 16 | Pelsall | 65 |
| 17 | Wolverhampton | 58 |
| 18 | Coventry | 57 |
| 19 | Brierley Hill | 56 |
| 20 | Rowley Regis | 41 |
| 21 | Stourbridge | 41 |
Wolverhampton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 103 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 35% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 5 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.2 per 10,000 people, 94% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 16 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 98 pubs, 80 hairdressers, 12 charity shops, 14 bookmakers, 11 vape shops, 22 banks, 6 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 7.1% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (16 of 227) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 4.0%
- 5 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 2.1 per 100,000 people, 38% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 18 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 50% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 14 public swimming pools open; 3 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 14% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 10 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.50am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 31.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,436 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 6% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Wolverhampton council
Have a crap-off
Wolverhampton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.