Crap Towns / Kent / Swanley
Swanley
59/100Crap Score
402nd crappest of 984 towns, and 17th in Kent. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Swanley is an Asda.
A nice park with a boating lake. The rest of town is a supermarket and its car park.
Ever been to Swanley? It's an Asda. There's a decent park with a boating lake and a little railway, fair enough. But the town centre is basically an Asda with bookies round the edge. Motorbikes scream down the back alleys and there's plenty of aggro. It used to grow plants for the nurseries. Now it grows Asda's car park.
There are 2 pubs and 3 bookies, so it's a better town for a flutter than a pint. The air's dirtier than the typical town's, 3 public pools have closed for good since 2010, and the local firebugs keep setting fires. At least Asda's still open.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Swanley's 90 for air pollution means it's crapper than 90% of towns.
- Air pollution90/10012.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband84/10011.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 23.8% across the Sevenoaks council area
- Criminal damage and arson67/1008.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions66/1002.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires61/1007.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour59/10016.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills48/100
- Food hygiene38/1001.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 63 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping32/1008.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Sevenoaks council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain10/100114 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 13 | Folkestone | 65 |
| 14 | Herne Bay | 64 |
| 15 | Faversham | 64 |
| 16 | Margate | 63 |
| 17 | Swanley | 59 |
| 18 | Whitstable | 56 |
| 19 | Ashford | 55 |
| 20 | Minster | 54 |
| 21 | Snodland | 50 |
Swanley by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 77.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 28 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 16.3 per 10,000 people, 14.8x the typical town's 1.1
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2021
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 6 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 3 bookmakers, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 10) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 5.8 per 100,000 people, 1.7x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 25% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 3 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 1.7x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.06am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 8.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 46% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,609 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 5% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Sevenoaks council
Have a crap-off
Swanley against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.