Crap Towns / Kent / Sheerness
Sheerness
96/100Crap Score
People from here are Swampies.
44th crappest of 984 towns, and the crappest in Kent. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Sheerness? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
There are scorpions.
Scorpions in the dockyard walls and a High Street that's given up.
Sheerness has actual scorpions living in the old dockyard walls, which is the most exotic thing about the place. The High Street is run down and the bridge off the island jams. The scorpions stay in the wall. Wise.
Out on the street, criminal damage sits at over three times the typical town's rate and anti-social behaviour isn't far behind. Barclays, Halifax, NatWest and TSB have all shut a branch. The last bus home is at 7.22pm and Sunday's a write-off, so the Swampies are stuck with it.
It hardly ever rains. 103 days a year. Not even the weather wants to come to Sheerness.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Sheerness's 99 for criminal damage and arson means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Criminal damage and arson99/10022.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour98/10040.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions94/1004.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband86/10015.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.8% across the Swale council area
- Deliberate fires84/10016.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene76/1004.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 107 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping71/10015.4 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Swale council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution68/1009.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills23/10054.4 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Rain0/100103 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Sheerness | 96 |
| 2 | Chatham | 89 |
| 3 | Dartford | 80 |
| 4 | Canterbury | 80 |
| 5 | Northfleet | 75 |
| 6 | Sittingbourne | 74 |
| 7 | Gravesend | 73 |
| 8 | Dover | 72 |
| 9 | Rochester | 72 |
Sheerness by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 167 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 2.2x the typical town's 76.2
- 36 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 27.2 per 10,000 people, 24.7x the typical town's 1.1
- 6 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
- 2 of 2 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 10 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 1 charity shop, 1 vape shop, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 15.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (3 of 20) Worse: 3.8x the typical town's 4.0%
- 4 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 30.2 per 100,000 people, 8.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.3 per 10,000 people, 44% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 1.5 per 10,000 people, 2.1x the typical English town's 0.7
- 6 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.22pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 16.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 8% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,814 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 18% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Swale council
Have a crap-off
Sheerness against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.