Crap Towns / North Ayrshire / Saltcoats
Saltcoats
87/100Crap Score
126th crappest of 984 towns, and the crappest in North Ayrshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Saltcoats. The pool's empty.
Glasgow's old seaside, with a tidal pool nobody's swum in for years and hardly a pub left.
Saltcoats was where Glasgow came for the Fair: a beach, a prom and a tidal bathing pool built into the sea. The pool's been empty for decades, and the campaign to bring it back has been going nearly as long. The pubs have mostly gone as well. There are 2 left on the map.
Saltcoats, Ardrossan and Stevenston are the Three Towns, and each is sure one of the other two is the shite one. It's Saltcoats. It's the crappest in North Ayrshire. Anti-social behaviour runs at twice the typical Scottish town's rate and crime at 1.7 times, with violence nearly double. The bathing water's rated Good, which is awkward for anyone hoping to blame the sea for the state of the place.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Saltcoats's 97 for rain means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Rain97/100179 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour97/10015.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson86/10010.7 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband70/1009.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.3% across the North Ayrshire council area
- Serious road collisions68/1002.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills67/100541 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Food hygiene63/1006.7% told to improve, of the 89 food businesses inspected
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Deliberate fires50/10022.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution1/1003.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Saltcoats | 87 |
| 2 | Irvine | 77 |
| 3 | Kilwinning | 58 |
| 4 | Largs | 46 |
| 5 | Ardrossan | 46 |
Saltcoats by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 91.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 1.7x the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 1 problem reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 96% lower than the typical Scottish town's 20.1
- Good Saltcoats/Ardrossan's bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 10.5% of takeaways inspected told to improve (2 of 19) Worse: 15% higher than the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 8.2 per 100,000 people, 2.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 50% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.26pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 26.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.7x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,405 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 8% lower than the typical town's 1,532
North Ayrshire council
- £1,686 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £33 more than the Scottish average
- 31% of North Ayrshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 14% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 50 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Worse: 37.4 per 100,000 residents, 8% higher than Scotland's 34.7
- 89.6% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Saltcoats against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.