Crap Towns / North Ayrshire / Irvine
Irvine
77/100Crap Score
229th crappest of 984 towns, and 2nd in North Ayrshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
They knocked down the Magnum.
An old royal burgh they turned into a new town, with a shopping centre built right over the river.
Irvine was a royal burgh for centuries, and then the planners got hold of it. They made it a new town and built the shopping centre straight across the river, so you can cross the Irvine without ever seeing it. The Magnum, the giant leisure centre with the pool and the ice rink that every wean in Ayrshire went to, got knocked down. Ask anybody who was a wean in the eighties. The one thing the planners didn't get their hands on is Marymass, when the horses still come out.
There's hardly a pub left in the place, and the police record about half as much anti-social behaviour again as in the typical Scottish town. The grass gets torched at nearly two and a half times the typical Scottish town's rate, and there's plenty of it. The new town planners left acres of the stuff.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Irvine's 92 for rain means it's crapper than 92% of towns.
- Rain92/100170 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour78/10011.8 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband76/10011.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.3% across the North Ayrshire council area
- Serious road collisions75/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires74/10032.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills71/100624 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Criminal damage and arson56/1007.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Food hygiene26/1003.7% told to improve, of the 189 food businesses inspected
- Air pollution7/1005.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Saltcoats | 87 |
| 2 | Irvine | 77 |
| 3 | Kilwinning | 58 |
| 4 | Largs | 46 |
| 5 | Ardrossan | 46 |
Irvine by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 60.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 12% higher than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 9 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.6 per 10,000 people, 6.5x the typical Scottish town's 0.4
- Good Irvine's bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 1 charity shop, 2 bookmakers, 1 vape shop, 3 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 5.9% of takeaways inspected told to improve (2 of 34) Better: 35% lower than the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 2.9 per 100,000 people, 15% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 44% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.54pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 12.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 19% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,386 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 10% lower than the typical town's 1,532
North Ayrshire council
- £1,686 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £33 more than the Scottish average
- 31% of North Ayrshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 14% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 50 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Worse: 37.4 per 100,000 residents, 8% higher than Scotland's 34.7
- 89.6% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Irvine against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.