Crap Towns / Midlothian / Penicuik
Penicuik
40/100Crap Score
595th crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in Midlothian. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Penicuik. It's pronounced Penny-cook.
The paper mills shut, the new school keeps not happening, and it's always colder up here than in Edinburgh.
Penicuik's paper mills ran on the Esk for three hundred years. They're a museum now, and the town is somewhere to sleep when you work in Edinburgh. The new school's been coming for years. The shopping precinct isn't coming back. It sits up against the Pentlands, so it's baltic here when Edinburgh's merely cold, and when it snows in Midlothian it snows in Penicuik first.
The kitchens are the worry. Penicuik's get pulled up at nearly three times the typical Scottish town's rate, and the takeaways are worse. There's 1 public toilet for the whole town, so pick your chippy with care.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Penicuik's 90 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 90% of towns.
- Food hygiene90/10014.5% told to improve, of the 76 food businesses inspected
- Rain79/100155 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills63/100
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Anti-social behaviour48/1007.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband37/1005.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.5% across the Midlothian council area
- Criminal damage and arson28/1005.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Deliberate fires27/10011.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions12/1001.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution3/1004.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Dalkeith | 81 |
| 2 | Mayfield | 44 |
| 3 | Penicuik | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Bonnyrigg | 34 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Penicuik by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 47.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 12% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 38 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 23.2 per 10,000 people, 4.1x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 7 hairdressers, 4 charity shops, 3 bookmakers, 2 vape shops, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 30.0% of takeaways inspected told to improve (3 of 10) Worse: 3.3x the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 6.1 per 100,000 people, 1.8x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 63% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.21am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 15.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space About the same: About the same as the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,303 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 15% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Midlothian council
- £1,816 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £163 more than the Scottish average
- 37% of Midlothian council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 36%
- 61 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 2 upheld Worse: 63.2 per 100,000 residents, 1.8x Scotland's 34.7
- 91.7% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Penicuik against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.