Crap Towns / Midlothian / Mayfield
Mayfield
44/100Crap Score
552nd crappest of 984 towns, and 2nd in Midlothian. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Mayfield. Up the hill from Dalkeith.
A pit village put up on the hill above Dalkeith in the fifties, with a precinct that's seen better days.
Mayfield was built on the hill above Dalkeith to house the miners for the new pits, and then the pits shut. What's left is houses, a shopping precinct with its shutters down and the bin fires round Bogwood Court. Deliberate fires run about a third higher than the typical Scottish town's, and they're on the way up.
The food's no better. Nearly one food business in five got told to improve, three and a half times the typical Scottish town's share. There are only 2 pubs, so most nights out start with a bus to somewhere else. At least the last one home goes at 12.30am.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Mayfield's 92 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 92% of towns.
- Food hygiene92/10018.8% told to improve, of the 48 food businesses inspected
- Deliberate fires69/10030.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Rain68/100142 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson59/1007.7 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Sewage spills45/100220 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Anti-social behaviour36/1006.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband33/1005.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.5% across the Midlothian council area
- Serious road collisions24/1001.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution5/1004.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Dalkeith | 81 |
| 2 | Mayfield | 44 |
| 3 | Penicuik | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Bonnyrigg | 34 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Mayfield by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 46.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 15% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 14 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 9.8 per 10,000 people, 1.8x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.30am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,347 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 12% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Midlothian council
- £1,816 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £163 more than the Scottish average
- 37% of Midlothian council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 36%
- 61 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 2 upheld Worse: 63.2 per 100,000 residents, 1.8x Scotland's 34.7
- 91.7% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Mayfield against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.