Crap Towns / Midlothian / Dalkeith
Dalkeith
81/100Crap Score
190th crappest of 984 towns, and the crappest in Midlothian. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Dalkeith. Avoid the middle.
A duke's palace and a big country park at one end, a concrete precinct in the middle, and buses out to Edinburgh.
Dalkeith has a palace and a country park at the top of the High Street, and then somebody built Jarnac Court in the middle of it, a concrete precinct that's looked tired since the day it opened. The shops are going empty, the Post Office has been under threat, and the litter and the dog mess are doing nicely. Eskbank, up the road, is leafy and would rather you didn't lump it in.
It's the crappest town in Midlothian. The roads are the worst of it: serious crashes come in at 1.8 times the typical Scottish town's rate. Criminal damage is about a third up on the typical Scottish town's, the sewage spills are more than twice the typical town's, and crime's on the way up. There are 2 Greggs and 3 bookies, so the essentials are covered.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Dalkeith's 95 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 95% of towns.
- Serious road collisions95/1003.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson78/1009.4 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Sewage spills71/100630 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Broadband69/10013.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.5% across the Midlothian council area
- Rain67/100141 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene64/1006.9% told to improve, of the 87 food businesses inspected
- Anti-social behaviour56/1008.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Deliberate fires45/10018.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution11/1005.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Dalkeith | 81 |
| 2 | Mayfield | 44 |
| 3 | Penicuik | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Bonnyrigg | 34 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Dalkeith by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 66.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 22% higher than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 14 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 9.2 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 8 pubs, 11 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 3 bookmakers, 1 vape shop, 3 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.7 per 10,000 people, 56% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.20am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 95% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,385 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 10% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Midlothian council
- £1,816 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £163 more than the Scottish average
- 37% of Midlothian council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 36%
- 61 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 2 upheld Worse: 63.2 per 100,000 residents, 1.8x Scotland's 34.7
- 91.7% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Dalkeith against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.