Crap Towns / North Lanarkshire / Newmains
Newmains
47/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 47. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Newmains. Dark by teatime.
An old iron village on the edge of Wishaw, where there's nothing to do of an evening except set fire to the bins.
Newmains is the bit of Wishaw that insists it isn't. The ironworks went, and locals reckon there's nowhere to go of an evening. The bin burners have found a hobby: deliberate fires come in at twice the typical Scottish town's rate, and bins and rubbish at three and a half times. The air's clean, mind, apart from the smoke off the wheelie bins.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Newmains's 96 for rain means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Rain96/100177 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires89/10046.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson61/1007.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Serious road collisions58/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene55/1006.3% told to improve, of the 32 food businesses inspected
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Anti-social behaviour47/1007.7 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband21/1003.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 6.6% across the North Lanarkshire council area
- Air pollution8/1005.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills6/1001.6 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Motherwell | 90 |
| 2 | Coatbridge | 85 |
| 3 | Airdrie | 83 |
| 4 | Wishaw | 75 |
| 5 | Bellshill | 73 |
| 6 | Kilsyth | 61 |
| 7 | Viewpark | 53 |
| – | Newmains | 47 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.8 | Cumbernauld | 34 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Newmains by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 43.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 19% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 8 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 14.9 per 10,000 people, 2.7x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.51pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 4.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 68% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,274 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 17% lower than the typical town's 1,532
North Lanarkshire council
- £1,555 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £98 less than the Scottish average
- 33% of North Lanarkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 8% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 119 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld About the same: 34.9 per 100,000 residents, about the same as Scotland's 34.7
- 87.9% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Newmains against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.