Crap Towns / Suffolk / Mildenhall
Mildenhall
15/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 15. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Mildenhall. Locals call it Mouldyhole.
They found buried treasure here once. Nobody's found a railway station or a decent bus.
Mildenhall dug up a hoard of Roman silver once, and it got sent to London. What's left is a market cross with the vape shops and bookies round it. Per head, it's got seven times the typical town's vape shops. There's a big airbase down the road and no station.
Getting out is the problem. Midweek there's no bus after 7.04pm and on a Sunday there isn't one. Gigabit gets to 58.1% of premises, so you can't stream your way out of it either. Locals call it Mouldyhole. Nobody fly-tips and hardly anyone kicks off, so the nickname's doing most of the work.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Mildenhall's 98 for broadband means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Broadband98/10041.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.4% across the West Suffolk council area
- Criminal damage and arson73/1008.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires69/1009.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene61/1003.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 52 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions45/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution40/1005.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour7/1005.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain3/100108 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping0/1001.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, West Suffolk council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Lowestoft | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.2 | Sudbury | 30 |
| 3 | Ipswich | 15 |
| – | Mildenhall | 15 |
| 4 | Haverhill | 11 |
| 5 | Newmarket | 9 |
| 6 | Stowmarket | 7 |
| 7 | Felixstowe | 6 |
| 8 | Woodbridge | 4 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Mildenhall by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 75.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 12 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 12.4 per 10,000 people, 3.6x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 10 hairdressers, 3 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 2 vape shops, 2 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 10.3 per 100,000 people, 3x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 31% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 3x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.04pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 9.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 38% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,571 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
West Suffolk council
- £2,351 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £41 less than the English average
- 22% of Suffolk County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 38% higher than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Mildenhall against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.