Crap Towns / Dorset / Merley
Merley
35/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 35. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Merley. It's an estate, basically.
A big estate on old farmland near Wimborne, with a roundabout and a sewage problem.
Merley was built on farmland and was meant to be called Oakley Garden Village. Some of the signs still say Oakley, so even the place doesn't know what it's called. It's tidy, and the moans are the Magna Road junction and the Merley roundabout.
Crime's about a fifth of the typical town's, so nothing to report there. 6.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband, and the overflows run for six times as long as the typical town's. That's your lot.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Merley's 91 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Sewage spills91/1001,660 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband85/10018.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 11.0% across the Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole council area
- Serious road collisions69/1003.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain51/100128 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene41/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 11 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping37/1008.8 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires33/1004.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution26/1006.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour0/1003.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson0/1001.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Bournemouth | 62 |
| 2 | Poole | 49 |
| 3 | Bridport | 49 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Weymouth | 37 |
| – | Merley | 35 |
| 5 | Dorchester | 33 |
| 6 | Christchurch | 22 |
| 7 | West Moors | 20 |
| 8 | Sherborne | 19 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Merley by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 16.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 79% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2018
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 2.6x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.39am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 6.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 13x the typical town's 0.5%
- 29.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.9x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,720 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 12% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole council
- £2,436 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £44 more than the English average
- 1% of Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 94% lower than England's 16%
- 20 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Merley against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.