Crap Towns / North Lanarkshire / Holytown
Holytown
85/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 85. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Holytown. Nothing holy about it.
Serious crashes at three times the typical Scottish town's rate, and a railway station that's in the next village.
Holytown's railway station is in New Stevenston, which tells you most of it. The bank went, the post office went, and what's left is hairdressers and a bookies. Serious road crashes come in at more than three times the typical Scottish town's rate. The street lights keep going out as well, and in the dark and the rain, that's a lot of crossing the road on faith.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Holytown's 99 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Serious road collisions99/1005.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain95/100174 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson71/1008.8 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Anti-social behaviour68/10010.3 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Sewage spills61/100437 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene61/1007.3% told to improve, of the 41 food businesses inspected
- Deliberate fires56/10024.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Broadband35/1005.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 6.6% across the North Lanarkshire council area
- Air pollution34/1008.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Motherwell | 90 |
| 2 | Coatbridge | 85 |
| – | Holytown | 85 |
| 3 | Airdrie | 83 |
| 4 | Wishaw | 75 |
| 5 | Bellshill | 73 |
| 6 | Kilsyth | 61 |
| 7 | Viewpark | 53 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.8 | Cumbernauld | 34 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Holytown by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 62.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 15% higher than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 5 reports of broken street lights on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 9.8 per 10,000 people, 10.9x the typical Scottish town's 0.9
What's left on the high street
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.35pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 6.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 55% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,288 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 16% lower than the typical town's 1,532
North Lanarkshire council
- £1,555 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £98 less than the Scottish average
- 33% of North Lanarkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 8% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 119 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld About the same: 34.9 per 100,000 residents, about the same as Scotland's 34.7
- 87.9% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Holytown against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.