Crap Towns / West Midlands / Halesowen
Halesowen
11/100Crap Score
878th crappest of 984 towns, and 30th in the West Midlands. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Halesowen. Not much wrong. Annoying.
Halesowen has a football derby named after a bus route. That's the excitement.
Halesowen made nails in back yards and dug coal, and now it's barely crap at all, which is annoying for us. The Yeltz play Stourbridge in a derby named after the bus between them, and the last bus pulls out at 1.57am, so nobody's got an excuse.
So we had to dig. There are 36 pubs and 3 public toilets, which goes some way to explaining the alleys. Nearly half the town lives a fair walk from a park or play space, Halifax, HSBC and NatWest have all announced they're off, and the air's over the health guidelines on both counts. Spies Lane is still where people crash and park like idiots.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Halesowen's 81 for air pollution means it's crapper than 81% of towns.
- Air pollution81/10011.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain59/100133 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills48/100252 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping36/1008.4 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Dudley council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions34/1002.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene31/1001.8% rated 0 to 2, of the 280 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires20/1003.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson13/1004.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband8/1002.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 2.8% across the Dudley council area
- Anti-social behaviour3/1004.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 22 | Royal Sutton Coldfield | 36 |
| 23 | Aldridge | 36 |
| 24 | Coseley | 35 |
| 25 | Solihull | 30 |
| 26 | Sedgley | 24 |
| 27 | Kingswinford | 19 |
| 28 | Streetly | 16 |
| 29 | Knowle and Dorridge | 15 |
| 30 | Halesowen | 11 |
Halesowen by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 57.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 24% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 235 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 39.1 per 10,000 people, 11.5x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 36 pubs, 9 hairdressers, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2.3% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 44) Better: 43% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 5.0 per 100,000 people, 47% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.5 per 10,000 people, 69% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Worse: 0.3 per 10,000 people, 57% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.57am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 44.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.9x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,515 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Dudley council
Have a crap-off
Halesowen against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.