Crap Towns / West Midlands / Coseley
Coseley
35/100Crap Score
643rd crappest of 984 towns, and 24th in the West Midlands. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
No baths, no tip, no chance.
They shut the baths and the tip. Coseley's still waiting for Dudley to notice.
Coseley's the bit of Dudley the council forgets exists. They shut the swimming baths, even with a campaign to save them. They shut the village loos. They shut off the tip, so the verges get the fly-tipping instead. Locals still go on about the old waterslide. Can't blame them. It's the last fun thing that happened here.
What Coseley does have is fire. The fire brigade gets called to deliberate fires at more than four times the typical town's rate, and it's mostly open ground going up, because there's not much else left to burn. Nearly half the place lives a fair walk from a park or play space, and the air's over the health guidelines on both counts. The broadband's quick, mind. You can watch it all burn in high definition.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Coseley's 91 for deliberate fires means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Deliberate fires91/10023.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution90/10012.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions70/1003.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain64/100137 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson42/1006.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping36/1008.4 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Dudley council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene30/1001.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 80 food businesses with a rating
- Sewage spills30/10092.6 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour12/1005.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband0/1001.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 2.8% across the Dudley council area
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 20 | Rowley Regis | 41 |
| 21 | Stourbridge | 41 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.22 | Royal Sutton Coldfield | 36 |
| 23 | Aldridge | 36 |
| 24 | Coseley | 35 |
| 25 | Solihull | 30 |
| 26 | Sedgley | 24 |
| 27 | Kingswinford | 19 |
| 28 | Streetly | 16 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Coseley by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 72.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 81 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 32.1 per 10,000 people, 9.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2022
What's left on the high street
- 12 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 13) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.4 per 10,000 people, 75% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.28am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 43.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.8x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,463 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Dudley council
Have a crap-off
Coseley against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.