Crap Towns / Staffordshire / Fazeley
Fazeley
12/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 12. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
War memorial on a traffic island
Stuck on to Tamworth, run from Lichfield, and the war memorial is on a traffic island.
Fazeley is where the canals meet, and that's the most exciting thing about it. It's stuck on to Tamworth but run by Lichfield, so both of them ignore it. The war memorial is on a traffic island, for crying out loud.
Quiet, tidy, no fly-tipping, and the yobs stay in. They'd struggle to find anywhere to go: two thirds of the place lives more than 400 metres from a park or play space, over four times the typical town's share, and there's no pool. Somebody still finds the odd bin to set fire to. Nothing else happens. Ever.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Fazeley's 78 for broadband means it's crapper than 78% of towns.
- Broadband78/10012.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.8% across the Lichfield council area
- Deliberate fires68/1009.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution66/1009.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene50/1002.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 39 food businesses with a rating
- Rain44/100125 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions32/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills30/10093.2 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping10/1003.8 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Lichfield council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson8/1003.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour3/1006.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 11 | Uttoxeter | 16 |
| 12 | Tamworth | 15 |
| 13 | Cheadle | 14 |
| 14 | Stone | 13 |
| – | Fazeley | 12 |
| 15 | Lichfield | 10 |
| 16 | Burntwood | 6 |
| 17 | Cannock | 4 |
| 18 | Rugeley | 2 |
Fazeley by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 55.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 27% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 3 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 4.0 per 10,000 people, 18% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2022
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.16pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 65.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 4.2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,528 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Lichfield council
- £2,352 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £40 less than the English average
- 10% of Staffordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Fazeley against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.